Because it's Awesome: The Blog!
 
WARNING: BI-CURIOUS ALERT
Being Valentines Day, my better half and I felt it appropriate to sit down and watch Disney's Beauty and the Beast. Like you do. And, as the title makes obvious, it reminded me of a fact that was so apparent to me in my formative years. Gaston is truly awesome.

If it really makes you happy, you can listen to that feminist kook Belle's side of the story and go on about how she didn't want to be 'the little wife' of Mr Truly, Utterly Awesome. Yep. Do me a favour, luv.

Gaston is a single-minded man of purpose. He's the greatest hunter in the whole world. No beast alive stands a chance against him. And he knows it.
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There was only one girl for him - the most beautiful girl in town (as beautiful as he), yet that wasn't good enough for her. With a PG-13 rating, I believe the correct Disney term is "bitch". 
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Who does she think she is? The girl tangled with the wrong man! No one says 'no' to Gaston!

To be dismissed (!), rejected (!), publicly humiliated (!) as he, would have created such a postmodern angst riddling in his awesome posterior. Why, it must have been more than he could bear (!)

Yet there was no man in town as admired as he, being, as he was, everyone's favourite guy. 

Truly everyone was awed and inspired by he, and, let's be honest, it wasn't very hard to see why.

As disturbing as it was to see Gaston looking so down in the dumps
I truly must confess, that everybody here, myself included, would like to be (you) Gaston.

Even when taking your lumps. (?)

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But to be a little more contrite, allow me to compile the comprehensive list on why Gaston is awesome.

The Comprehensive List of Why Gaston is Awesome
  1. He's the slickest
  2. He's the quickest
  3. His neck be the thickest
  4. There's no man in town who is as manly as his perfect, pure paragon
  5. Tom, Dick and Stanley would prefer to be on his team
  6. No one's been (?) like him
  7. No one's a kingpin like him
  8. No one's got a swell cleft in their chin like him
  9. He's quite the intimidating specimen
  10. He can douse lights
  11. He can fight
  12. He can bite
  13. He has biceps to spare
  14. No scraggly bits, plus he's hairy
  15. He can match wits
  16. And spit
  17. He can eat five dozen eggs
  18. He's the size of a barge
  19. He can tromp around with boots
  20. He has fans and hangers on.
Excuse me while I swoon.
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